whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My friends, they love my intelligence
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
