I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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