This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
