oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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