i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
