I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
