I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
