i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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