it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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