It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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