My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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