...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
