there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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