Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
