Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
