How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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