we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Two words: blizzard sex
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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