If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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