dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
