you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
