puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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