here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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