Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
