birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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