she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
