wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
