it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
