is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
