Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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