I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
