I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
