I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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