I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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