is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
