Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
