I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I love having hate sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
