what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
