Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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