I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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