I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
