Christians are straight up FREAKS
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
a search helicopter?!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
