How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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