In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im holly from the hills drunk
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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