Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
