He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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