so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
