Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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