My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
