so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
