He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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