I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
