What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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