Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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